Abuse of any kind is not love…point blank period. I have been hearing a lot of stories lately about abuse in relationships. While watching a tv show with my daughters, I asked their opinion on the touchy subject matter. For young people, they knew exactly what abuse was and knew how to recognize the major types of abuse. As you may or may not know, abuse is disguised in many different forms. There is physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse (No means No) and mental abuse, which are the most common forms. Any type of abuse is unacceptable in any relationship of any type. There is NEVER a reason to accept it. Love yourself more than you love any abuser.
The thing about some physical abuse is that it is clear when it’s occurring. If you are getting punched, kicked or slapped, then you clearly know it’s not right and it is happening to you. Now here is the thing about some physical abuse, it’s unrecognized at times. How so? Well I have heard and you may have too, that “pushing” and “shoving” doesn’t mean that you are being abused. I beg to differ and so do experts on this matter. If someone is pushing you around and you aren’t joking or laughing, then you are being violated..bottom line. If it makes you feel uncomfortable and scared, then it’s not right. Trust your own judgement. You have to listen to your inner voice. If it has happened often in a disagreement, then it’s not right. If it is done in anger, then it’s not right. Don’t make an excuse for anyone else’s behavior. Don’t let your friends or family define abuse for you, seek professional counsel.
Okay so here’s the thing with emotional and mental abuse, it often goes unreported or unrecognized. It goes unrecognized commonly with individuals who have a childhood background of emotional abuse. If you grew up being called dumb or stupid by a parent, then it may go unnoticed as an adult. If you were told that “you would never amount to anything” or “you can’t do anything right”, then it may go unnoticed when it’s happening in a relationship. If you were often teased about your size, (whether you are under or over weight) to the point it makes you feel inferior, then you may think it’s the norm to be mistreated as an adult. That is so not the case! You always deserve better.
An example of mental abuse may be someone telling you, “you will never find anyone else” or “you made me do this to you because of your actions.” That is a way an abuser will try to have something over you or make you feel unworthy. That is a mental mind game.
There are many examples of abuse of all kinds, types and styles and none of it is okay to withstand!
I wanted to stress something about this subject matter. Women aren’t the only ones who get abused! The statics are increasingly growing on the amount of men who are being abused by women. It’s not that more men are suddenly being abused, they have always gotten abused. The abuse is now being reported and the embarrassment/stigma is fading. Men often times are labeled as punks, if they tell. We know that is not the case.
If you are in a relationship and you are experiencing any type of abuse, please speak to someone. If you don’t know you are, call a professional to clarify your feelings. Please don’t feel that you are trapped in any relationship. You are worthy of greatness, you don’t have to accept abuse EVER.
Remember you are a “STARR” so don’t let anyone dim your shine!”
Here is the direct phone number to National Domestic Hotline:
1-800-799- SAFE (7233)
(Check your local area/State for local phone numbers)
There is also a great community that you can reach out to for help. The Institute on Domestic Violence in the African American Community (IDVAAC) is an organization focused on the unique circumstances of African-Americans as they face issues related to domestic violence, including intimate partner violence.