STAYING COOL – How I Remained Calm When I Received a Text from an EX…

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I swear my car is the music control center. It’s where I can go to unwind, think, and drive while listening to some of my favorite music: R&B, hip-hop, gospel, and some light 70s rock. I can always channel my exact mood or feelings through that one perfect song that twists and turns with the right melody and lyrics. I’m a sucker for a good love song. (Cuing Luther Vandross’s ‘So Amazing’ as I type.) It’s why I had no problem popping in one of my favorite CDs with no label or title on its front. Sitting in traffic on the Capital Beltway warranted a soothing, genius love song and whatever played through the car speakers would have to suffice. And lo and behold, it worked. Babyface’s smooth crooning in ‘For the Cool in You’ offered a calming for my flustered nerves. But it also made me remember how I acquired the music that had me spellbound.

Nearly three years ago, I met a man a few years younger than me. He was handsome, charismatic, and intelligent, with a body that would give Adonis some serious competition. To top it off, he had an amazing sense of humor. He possessed attainable goals and worked extremely hard to achieve them. We had dynamic chemistry and we truly enjoyed each other’s company. In the beginning of our friendship, it concerned me that he was younger than the men I usually date. What would people think? Had I become so desperate that I could only attract a younger man? The more I questioned, the more he wooed me until one day, I couldn’t deny that I was head over heels in serious like with him. His charm made it easy to be my true self and between the texts, calls, and dinner dates, I knew I was hooked. As a part of an assorted Christmas gift, Mr. Charm gave me a homemade mix CD that contained songs he said reminded him of me. That same Babyface song that applauded the cool demeanor of a special woman in his life found its way onto this CD. When I asked Mr. Charm why he added this classic tune, he said with the most sincere grin, “Because I’ve never met someone as cool as you.” A hopeless romantic since birth, I wasn’t shy in letting him know much I appreciated his corny sentiment.

But the seasons in our dating relationship changed rather quickly. What proved so wonderful and perfect in the beginning became a merry-go-round of deception that I spotted early on. The infrequent phone calls and visits were my first clue. The shady stories and excuses were my second. My first mistake is not defining the relationship. I also failed to listen to my intuition screaming loudly through my ears and heart that something wasn’t quite right. After scoping his Facebook page (I’m so ashamed), I discovered that The Charm Master was clearly enjoying the benefits of a life without monogamy while I was staring too deeply into his chestnut-brown eyes, hoping for a committed relationship. When I gently approached him to find out the scoop, he pretended to not understand the origin of my questions, leaving me further in darkness. After beating myself up for two weeks, missing him, I tucked my tail between my legs, trashed every gift he ever gave me, and moved on as best I could. Compared to other breakups, I deserved a pat on the back for how I ended this whirlwind romance.

The car ride with just Babyface and I would prove to be just the beginning of my reminiscing about Mr. Charm. While driving to work this morning, he texted me, wondering if I was doing well. (Crazy, right?) Aside from being totally shocked, I’ve been driving myself nearly crazy wondering why he would reach out to me after we haven’t spoken for nearly two years. Did he miss me? Did he succumb to boredom? Was I on his mind? Did he finally want to apologize for hurting me? Did I want another shot with him?

I drafted a text message asking these same questions but I’ve just experienced a ‘EUREKA!’ moment that caused me to erase my ‘shouldas, wouldas, and couldas.’ It doesn’t matter why he texted or if still misses me. I’ve MOVED on and really have no use for him in my life. But the reason I can appreciate finding that long-lost CD is because it holds great music (which I love) and I value the overall experience with Mr. Charm as it taught me two important lessons I haven’t forgotten: trust my inner voice for direction and handling myself like a lady makes a powerful statement.

Mr. Charm invited me not to be a stranger. And I won’t. It’s obvious that I was on his mind, for whatever reason, and that, alone, is flattering. While people may hurt us, we should never assume that they are not as impacted by our presence as we are with theirs, even if they are unable to stay in our lives. And over thinking a situation that doesn’t require much thought will cause frustration. There is no room for Mr. Charm in my life. And that’s all I closure I need. So as Babyface keeps assuring me of how cool I am, I’m going to do my best to remember that in all aspects of my love life – even those that don’t exist anymore.

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4 responses to “STAYING COOL – How I Remained Calm When I Received a Text from an EX…

  1. Funny, something very similar happened to me recently. He too was younger and unlike you, I didn’t adhere to the signs that were obviously clear. I was left broken hearted and after being dumped, he was married months later. Needless to say, you can’t treat people any kind of way and expect karma not to rear her head. About a month ago I received a message from him via Facebook apologizing for the mistakes he made. I guess it took for him to be stabbed three times by the woman he chose over me to finally see that he walked out on a good thing. If that is the case then so shall it be. I was happy to receive the apology as it brought me the closure I needed!!! Thanks for sharing your story! It helped me to see that even though he humiliated me publicly and apologized privately-an apology is an apology! I’m just glad to be free!

    • Hi! I am so glad that someone understands and admits how hurtful this can be. And though age played a considerable part, it can happen to anyone of any age. While you may not have seen the signs, your heart was rewarded with confirmation that you mattered and made the difference. Freedom is the best gift we can get and give ourselves. Thanks so much for reading and sharing! CLS

      • Indeed it is! Thank you all for so freely being transparent and sharing your experiences!!! <3

  2. Pingback: song: “you’re perfect” « power of language blog: partnering with reality by JR Fibonacci·

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